overly simple theology

E notices her peanut butter & jelly sandwich isn't folded in half perfectly and complains, "Somebody messed up my sandwich and they did it on purpose!"

Me: "Why would they do that?"

E: "To make me upset!"

Me: "Why would somebody want to do that?"

E: "Because they don't like me!"

Me: "Who do you think did it?"

E: long pause, then, "God!"

Me: "God?! But God loves everybody."

E: "It's a bad God."

Me: "You mean the devil?" She nods seriously, though I don't think she's heard about 'the devil' before. I see an opportunity... "Yes," I say, "the devil likes to make people upset and mean and get in trouble. He tries to trick us, and when he does that, what we have to do is ignore him and act like we're not upset at all. He doesn't like us to be happy and nice and cooperative."

After a pause to digest all that, during which her eyes are glued on me and her mouth hanging open, E suddenly raises her eyebrows and puts on a big cheesy grin, eats her mis-folded sandwich with manufactured glee.

The rest of lunch involves me pretending to narrate for the devil, getting angry at every good thing she does and giving a little evil laugh when she does something wrong, like put her feet on the table or stop eating. She is so contrary these days that it worked like a charm!